like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
