This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
