my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
