He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
