Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
