what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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