her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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