i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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