I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
