This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
