You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
