My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
