Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
