I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
