They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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