I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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