I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
