I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
