The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
