btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
