I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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