Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
