i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
