Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
