this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
