She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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