I didn't shave. On purpose
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
