And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
