Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
