And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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