You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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