you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
