Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
