dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
