I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
