she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
