a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
