The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
