You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
