i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
