16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
