i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
