It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
