i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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