this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
