i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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