butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
