I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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