He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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