and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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